


home

by artsyleo



Series: comfortember 2020 [19]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Boys In Love, Character Study, Comfort, Emotions, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:55:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27636452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo
Summary: comfortember prompt day 19 - memory lanecallum realises exactly where (or who) his home is
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: comfortember 2020 [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995826
Comments: 2
Kudos: 56





	home

**Author's Note:**

> tw for refeerences to the stuff going on in canon at the minute and like callum having a therapist, but all very light references

Sometimes when things get too much, Callum takes a walk. 

It’s something he can always remember doing, even way back to when he was a kid, once he was old enough to go out on his own- not that his dad cared all that much. When he needed space, somewhere to escape to, away from the shouting and the smell of alcohol filling the house, he’d throw on a coat and trainers and follow his own feet. It hadn’t meant much at the time, but he’d often found his way around to where the Carters lived, a house he was familiar with because of Lee. He knows now that he’d find himself there because at times like that he was searching for a place to feel safe, somewhere that felt like a real home, and that’s what the Carter house was to him for so long. He’d never usually go in, unless Mick caught sight of him through the window but he’d sit outside sometimes, listening to the happy voices curling through the open kitchen window- Linda absent-mindedly singing along to the song on the radio, or Mick and Lee playfully fighting about who was the better football player. Even just the sound of happiness, of family like they had settled something in his chest, made the world feel that little bit more bearable. 

Callum thinks about it now, and he’s not sure how he didn’t see it- the way he’d held onto that place like a lifeline, let it sustain him even though he wasn’t a part of that family. He was just on the outside, and he'd convince himself he was okay with that. He knows differently now, but that’s okay. He’s realised over the years that maybe he meant more to the Carters than he realised, and that all of the things Mick had done for him growing up had been more than just kind gestures. 

The army had been difficult- there was almost nowhere to feel safe there, stuck in the middle of a warzone, and held down by the war in his own mind. Chris had been his safe space there, had quickly taken on that responsibility. They’d never talked about it outright but Callum reckons he knew- there was so much left unspoken between the two of them back then, it’s just another thing. 

It brings him back to now, and the cold air against his face as he follows his feet through the square. Him and Ben had been arguing- something and nothing, the stress of Callum’s new job and his residual trust issues from  _ before _ , finally getting to move into their own flat. They’re only human, the two of them, and it doesn’t exactly surprise him that they’ve been fighting. It’s nothing serious, really- after the events of the past year, definitely nothing that they can’t make it through but it just makes for an animosity between them that, combined with Callum’s exhaustion from new long shifts, feels all too familiar. 

When it gets too much, he tells Ben he’s going for a walk. He nods, but Callum can see the worry in his eyes because he’s not the only one that came out of  _ before _ with issues so he walks back across the room, presses a kiss to Ben’s cheek and tells him that he’ll be back soon, that he just needs a minute. 

Thankfully they’re still near the square, so the streets are familiar to him. Ben hadn’t wanted Lexi to be too far away so they’d only looked within Walford, and it’s not like Callum was complaining. He feels settled here in the square, maybe for the first time in his life, even after everything that’s happened. It feels like home, and that’s still a novel feeling to him. Also, getting to have Lexi over on a regular basis in her  _ own room _ isn’t exactly a hardship. 

His brain clocks out for a bit once he’s started walking, conscious enough for him to be safe but just letting instinct take him somewhere. He’s not really  _ angry _ , as such- there’s just so much recently, so much change and so much newness that it leaves him feeling unsettled more than he’d like. Ben calms most of that in him, but it makes it worse when they fight. His therapist -  _ fuck,  _ that’s another change but one that he’s maybe starting to admit is well overdue - says that it’s totally normal for him to be feeling overwhelmed like this, especially given the absolute shitshow that this year has been. She’s also told him that it’s probably normal for him to feel like this about him and Ben arguing, because Ben’s become his safe space. 

He reckons she’s probably right, and the thought makes his heart race. He hopes, absent-mindedly, that he’s Ben’s too. 

By the time he starts to realise where he is again he’s brought himself back around through the square, to a place that he only really remembers being significant from Ben’s words. It’s a little pass-through off the market, a place that’s quiet this time of day since the sun’s just setting, casting a glow over the square. The memory plays through his head like it’s yesterday- catching Ben standing here waiting for him, his words clear in his ears-

_ I stopped. I didn’t want him to take it out on you.  _

_ He’s just some bloke who got your mum pregnant.  _

_ You don’t have to do this.  _

-the feeling of Ben’s hand curled into his as he pulled away, still so raw to him back then. Callum remembers it all, clear as day, and remembers the feelings that had been racing through him afterwards. 

It had been the first time he’d really thought it possible that he could have this, maybe someday when he was brave enough. 

It feels somehow right that he’s here now, and it makes him realise just how many memories he has around here, all the places that remind him of Ben. 

He stands up against the wall, sighs at the feeling of the sun on his face and listens to the passing of footsteps, until someone comes close. 

“Hey,” Ben’s voice calls out, gentle and worried. Callum opens his eyes and looks towards him, at the way the light from the sun shines on him leaving him glowing and  _ fuck,  _ he’s never looked so beautiful.

“Hey,” Callum sighs. “How come you found me?” 

“Your brother saw you, wanted me to check up on you,” he replies. “If you still wanna be alone though I can-” 

“No,” Callum says. “No, stay. Do you remember being here?” 

Ben walks up to rest against the other wall with a little smirk on his face. “Yeah. Yeah, I remember kissing your cheek here. May have been tainted by your brother beating me up a couple days later, but…” 

“The stuff you said back then,” Callum starts, feeling so much like he’s revealing secrets. “It was like the first time I’d thought that maybe I was strong enough to do it- to come out. You really did make a difference, you know.” 

“I always knew you were strong enough,” Ben whispers, voice carrying on empty streets. “You always were, and you always will be. I only wish you could see it.” 

“I love you,” Callum says, finally closing the gap between the two of them, curling their hands together and leaning his forehead against Ben’s. “I’m sorry I got annoyed.” 

“I’m sorry too,” Ben replies. “And I love you, yeah? I’m so proud of you.” 

There’s nothing that Callum can say, so he just presses their lips together. 

Maybe his home isn’t a place at all, but a person, and maybe it’s Ben. 

**Author's Note:**

> this was like emotional to write theyre so damn in love and i love them hhhhh (i am also like half asleep right now)  
> anyways, comments and kudos mean the absolute world to me, i really hope you enjoyed and lots of love to you!!   
> leo x (come find me on tumblr @artsy-highway)


End file.
